Where have I been?



Proper and Correct Way of Preparing and Eating a PB&J Sandwich

I found this on the Internet somewhere. I don't know where it originates from, but it is pretty hilarious.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

First, you must spread a thick layer of peanut butter onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the peanut butter on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread peanut butter on one side. Spreading peanut butter on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich.
Next, you must spread a thick layer of jelly onto the white part of a slice of bread. You can only spread the jelly on the white part, and the white part only. You may only spread jelly on one side. Spreading jelly on both sides will provide an inferior sandwich.
You cannot spread jelly onto the same slice of bread onto which you have spread peanut butter. Also, you cannot spread peanut butter or jelly onto more than one slice of bread, as this will provide an undesired excess of either ingredient. Additionally, only peanut butter and jelly can be spread onto these slices of bread; no other ingredient will suffice, and no substitute can be used in a sandwich that is to be legitimately recognized as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Likewise, only bread may be the substance upon which the peanut butter and jelly are spread, as anything else does not fit the standards of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if the peanut butter and jelly are spread onto a culinary medium that isn't bread, the meal at hand simply is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Once you have accomplished spreading a thin layer of peanut butter onto the white of one side of one slice of bread, and likewise has been accomplished using grape jelly on a separate slice of bread, you must match the slices of bread up to each other, forming a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. In this scenario, the peanut butter-covered face of bread must be facing the jelly-covered face of the second slice of bread so that the peanut butter surface touched the surface of the jelly. The surface of the peanut butter is not allowed to touch a jelly-less substance of bread, resulting in the jelly facing outwards, and likewise applies to the jelly. If a substance is found facing on the outside of the sandwich, the product will not be accepted as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The side with peanut butter and the side with jelly on it must match up and stick together to form one solid sandwich. When the eater picks up the sandwich, he or she must hold both pieces of bread at the same time, or else one slice will fall off, and eating only one slice of bread will not be recognized as the same or even similar to eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Next, you must take a bite of the sandwich. This action will consist of moving the sandwich within such a close proximity of your face that a small "bite" of the sandwich will enter your mouth for you to mash up with your teeth. This bite must be a bite that includes both slices of bread, peanut butter and jelly. Make sure that all obstructions are clear from the mouth and esophagus, not including peanut butter, jelly or bread or any combination of said ingredients. If you have followed all previous steps, this goal will be easily accomplished. Not doing so will create an incorrect and inferior dining experience and thus will not be a peanut and butter sandwich that is being eaten. However, if one successfully gets both peanut butter and jelly in one bite that fits in the mouth and does not result in choking, the dining experience is thus far acceptable.
For your complete experience with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to be considered complete and unobjectable, you must perform the previously mentioned series of taking bites of the sandwich, chewing them, and swallowing them repeatedly until the entire sandwich has been removed visible existence.
These circumstances may only be reached by eating the entire sandwich, and no parts of the sandwich may be thrown away or given to somebody else. This is your sandwich, and your responsibility. For the Dining experience to be completed, the sandwich must be completely digested.
In the context of completing the process of consuming a legitimate peanut butter and jelly sandwich, there are no extenuating circumstances. Actions such as vomiting, surgical removal of the sandwich from the body, or placement of the sandwich inside the lungs opposed to the esophagus will not be taken into account, as they do not result in the complete digestion of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The process must come to a close via rectal excrement of feces that have been provided by the digestion of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once the peanut butter and jelly sandwich-fueled feces have exited the rectum, they must remain free from the rectum to be considered conclusive in the process of physically processing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. If the feces re-enters the rectum, the process will be rendered a failure, and must be started again.


Helvetia's Child

Helvetica. It's a widely used sans-serif typeface created in 1957, little known by many people. Which is sad, because it's possibly the most beautiful and influential font family in modern history.

When it was created, it took the world by storm. Before Helvetica, advertising and writing was entirely composed of fancy, grotesque, cursive fonts (just google advertising in the 1940s). Helvetica was so neutral, it completely redefined the world of text and created a whole new genre of fonts.

Now, it's been overtaken by copycats and lookalikes, such as Arial, which has skyrocketed to popularity since Microsoft has adopted it, leaving Helvetica in the dust and unknown to the modern world.

Helvetica made history. Let's fight back.


Alas, poor Yorick...

The April Fools tomfoolery has ended. I reverted the site colors and restored the sidebar. Here's to a fresher and funnier joke next year!


April Fools' Day!

Jazz is funny. Take it this way: chicken chops are actually sentient resistors! Transcending photorealism is the way to go, and I like garbage.

Remember the bulldozers.


Anthropological Confusion

Here's the thing: if one day, you met a robot who could think, speak, feel and love... is it a man?

Should it have human rights? Or should it be treated like a super-advanced toaster?

Some would say, yes, it has human rights. Under the surface, it may just be a collection of electronics, but it behaves exactly the same way as a real human would in that situation. In fact, we're no different from highly advanced, biological robots.

Some would argue, no, it's just a machine. We organics have something special inside, a soul, that makes us different from anything we could possibly fabricate. Any machine, even a supercomputer or artificial intelligence, is lower than the tiniest bacterium because it doesn't have a heart.

What do you think?


I was just doing some literature review on a text. The basic summary of the story is that the narrator was gifted a valuable figurine of a horse by her dad, but gave it to her friend, and her parents were (understandably) royally pissed.

I've clearly been on the internet for an unhealthy amount of time, because when I read it I immediately thought "Creative Commons".


Scatological Response

Today, I will express my disappointment over what people are calling art today.

Art is bullshit.

First, to discuss art in any sort of meaningful manner, we must first understand the question: What is art?

Wikipedia says "Art is the process or product of deliberately arranging elements in a way that appeals to the senses or emotions".

By this definition, everything is art. I mean literally everything. The chair you are sitting on right now is designed to evoke a sense of comfort. Is it art? Some people think so. How about that research paper my friend is working on? It's an arrangement of elements in a way that appeals to the teacher to give him a pass mark. That's art too.
I'm sure you see what I'm talking about now. Essentially everything man-made is art, from this laptop I'm working on, to the Mona Lisa, to Taipei 101, to the air-conditioned air a billion people are breathing across the planet. If you believe in a Creator, everything that even exists is art.
So why are there "art galleries" and "art classes" that exist in society? Art galleries claim to display art. So why are their walls overflowing with canvas paintings when they should be filled with things from every corner of life? Art classes only teach you how to represent shape and form in two-dimensional spaces, not how to build and grow truly beautiful things.

The term "art" is a misnomer. What we label as "art" is getting more and more muddled over the years. Modern art galleries, by clinging to the old (and at least comprehensible) notion that art is created with skill, have confused themselves and opened their floodgates to utter mockeries of talent. Take this installation. Does it show you any universal truth? No, of course not. But if the artist made a simple write-up about how the destroyed trailer represents the emotional baggage that we as human beings leave behind in our lives, everyone would hail it like the next Michelangelo masterpiece.

I leave you to ponder this. This is a long-standing problem that challenges the identity of art and who we are as human souls. If we can't solve it, then we are lying to ourselves about beauty, nature and the universe.



I really need to stop signing my posts off with Spanish. It gets annoying.


^^ Accent Accent

I'm sure you know what an accent is. In this context, it's that funny-sounding rendition you make of a foreign language when you attempt to speak it, or conversely, the skewed version of English foreigners speak. What I am going to explore today is, how do these exactly come about?
Basically, an accent appears whenever you pronounce a given syllable in a foreign language wrongly. Take, for example, the word "rendezvous". In English pronunciation, that would be "ran-dez-vuhs", but in its actual French roots, it is "ron-dei-voo". This disparity in spelling and phoenetics comes because the English language takes many foreign words, but attempts to preserve the spelling, which is bad.
Foreign languages often have vastly different syllabic alphabets, and Romanization only attempts to synch the sounds with the best possible letters or sets of letters. Unfortunately, the Roman alphabet is heavily limited and these efforts usually end in pain for everyone involved. Accents appear here because the foreigner to the language is attempting to pronounce the syllables inherent with his own language's syllables. Only a very good understanding of the language and phoenetics can allow one to avoid producing an accent (or to purposely produce an accent, as in performing arts) and this is why accents occur.
Thus lie the failings of the Latin alphabet. It fails to take into account all of the potential sounds that a foreign alphabet can make, and increasing the confusion, its own pronunciation system is inherently flawed. In fact, for some languages it actually adds dïáçrîtìcs and иⅇw ϟϒµβøζs, adding to the confusion. If someone were to radically redesign our current linguistic system and invent a new lingua franca to replace English, these problems would be solved. ¡Hasta la revolución lingüística!


Knickknacks and Oddities

Notice the new Downloads section in the sidebar? That was me. You can now download several original compositions of music, if you're interested. They're all comprised of preset loops, but still worth a look.


Aweful Items of Note

This is my list of things that are awesome.
  • Twilight
  • Action figures
  • Ballistics
  • Biology
  • Geography
  • History
  • Literature
  • Speculative fiction
  • Special effects
  • Digital art
  • Conventional art
  • Animation
  • Myth and legend
  • The Bible
  • The Koran
  • The Tao Te Ching
  • Aviation
  • Photography
  • Cooking
  • Martial arts
  • Dance
  • Japan
  • Hovercars
  • Airships
  • Jetpacks
  • Ray guns
  • Space elevators
  • Genetic engineering
  • Other worlds
  • Video games
  • Programming
  • Checkers
  • Character design
  • Game design
  • Product design
  • The letter Y
  • The Greek alphabet
  • Roguelike games
  • Pie
  • Processed meat
  • Salmon
  • Sushi
  • Chinese food (authentic, not that screwy American trash)
  • The elements
  • Nature
  • Volcanoes
  • Dew
  • Narwhals
  • Cats
  • Anime
  • Manga
  • Cosplay
  • Typefaces
  • Linguistics
  • Writing
  • Apple Computing Inc.
  • Graphic novels
  • Batman
  • Linguistics
  • Foreign languages
  • Fictional languages
  • This list

עברית נעשה לשעמם

I changed my phone language to Hebrew just for the hell of it. I must have been really bored.

Lingual Inter-Relationships

I like linguistics. It's seriously a fascinating study, of how language can affect one's culture and even one's thinking. I've been studying other languages apart from English for a while now, and I recently came across this:

"Night" in 10 Languages
  • English: night
  • German: nacht
  • Dutch: nacht
  • Swedish: natt
  • Danish: nat
  • Latin: nox
  • French: nuit
  • Portugese: noite
  • Spanish: noche
  • Romanian: noapte
I think you get what I'm trying to say here. It seems that there are many languages which are highly similar to each other, especially when you see a side-by-side comparison. The theory is that the two groups I highlighted above both descended from single languages - the top group is known as Germanic languages and are descended from Proto-Germanic, whereas the bottom group is Romance languages and are descended from Vulgar Latin.
My idea is that all these were originally dialects, seperately spoken in different parts of Europe. As the settlements became more distinct, the dialects became different languages, but as you can see above they're still pretty similar.

Linguistics is cool. Not only do you get to research how words came about and how they affect human thinking, you also learn a fair bit of foreign languages. ¿Los lenguajes es maravilloso, usted no está de acuerdo?


Bizarre Academic Obligations

Apparently, my school's English department thinks blogging is now officially awesome, which means I have to regularly post and Twilight's URL has just been added to a public list. Odd, but cool because I get an excuse to slack off and rant.


Figures of the Actional Variety

Action figures are pretty neat. I know they're just poseable lumps of plastic, but there's something inherently awesome about having little figures of your favorite characters on your shelf. You can take them down and mess with them, customize them with paint and glue, or just leave them as a beautiful display. Call them dolls, whatever you want, but you have to admit that some of them get to look pretty sweet.

Cool Series
- Bionicle, a line from Lego, is a series of huge buildable figures. Not only do the finished sets look incredible, you can also tear the apart to build pretty much anything you like. Recently, they've just restarted the line to feature post-apocalyptic themed characters, and some amazing vehicles (think desert bikes) are to be released in August.
- The Star Wars line from Hasbro is generally hit and miss, but it contains some truly awesome figures, like their latest Darth Vader or the numerous Stormtrooper variants.
- Transformers is an interesting concept, and Hasbro's latest Animated line is generally composed of nice toys with plenty of poseability and good aesthetic in both modes. Of course, other lines, especially those intended at adult or older fans, are worth a look. You never know when you may stumble across a gem.
- Apparently, the Japanese really know their stuff, because they make friggin' sweet figures. Most are presented as model kits, since the figures require assembly, and as such they have a ridiculous amount of poseability and quality. Especially of note are the Gundam kits and the odd rare anime/game figure. Rock on, Nippon.

Thus ends the rant.


Advanced Mathematics

I got this joke from the good RyokoTK:

2.71828183, 3.14159265,
299792458 m/s

A truly e-pi-c joke indeed.


You may notice that orange is appearing more often nowadays. Maybe it's just me or this particular region, but it can't just be coincidence that EC House recently revamped its appearance to orange, Velocity Sports Mall opened with a certain color theme for its logo and signs, Comics Connection just opened a new outlet which is orange, Action City... yeah. Even supermarket Giant is now using an orange theme. (remind me to go there more often)
Why orange? If you take a moment to analyze the color, you find that it's a relatively newly used color (most older brands use easy-to-print colors such as red, blue, white, etc). I suspect this is because orange materials were difficult to find previously, but now that plastic and color printers have surfaced, orange has become more widespread.
Also, orange is a relatively bright color and hits the viewer with an energetic punchy feeling. Orange is probably also used to symbolize youth and action, and thus to appeal to young adults and teenagers. If we take EC House's example, its new color scheme is orange, white and black, a highly contrasting yet elegant combination and really conveys professionalism.
This is why orange is so prolific recently. Not a bad thing either, as it just happens to be my favorite color. Neat, huh?



I'm back.

I'll be throwing this blog around, I don't know. I don't always have the time to go online nowadays. but I'll probably be posting here every so often.